I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
