dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
