I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
