I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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