Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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