With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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