i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
