I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
