She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
