Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
