Soap is not a condiment
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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