you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
