fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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