why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
