I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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