I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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