so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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