If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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