TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
