Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Randomize