i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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