tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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