your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
