A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
