I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
