I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
