We won't sleep together?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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