Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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