apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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