you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my poor anus
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
