problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
