i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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