Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize