you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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