I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
two words...techno handjob
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
