It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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