Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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