Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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