please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
