She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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