I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
