Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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