i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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