I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
