normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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