try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
