I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
