One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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