The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
