Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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