Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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