She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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