someone get that fucking seahorse.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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