We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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