At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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