when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
