New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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