so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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